So I auditioned for a band...

...and it was sort of by accident.  I was gently nudged to give it a try after a day of "filling in" due to a no-show for the band's practice session.  No pressure attached, just sing the melody... hum it if I have to.  Why not?  I've always been a closet rock-star.

And then I was asked to consider an audition.  Perhaps it was the wine I was sipping on at the time.  Maybe it was that little edge of courage that magically appears when alcohol hits the bloodstream.  But the words that came out of my mouth affirmed the invitation.  I acquiesced to the request. 

Public speaking comes easily to me.  I officiate weddings and funerals.  I have spoken on topics at various conferences and provide educational presentations to folks in the community.  There is no issue of stage fright here. 

The staggering difference is the medium... it's a matter of speaking vs. singing.  My speaking voice is clear, intentional and robust.  My singing voice is... er... not bad.  I can harmonize with the best of them.  But singing feels so naked to me.  It's so vulnerable.  I get shaky and shy when it's an "Okay Rachel is going to sing" sort of situation. 

"Rock Band" doesn't count.  Everyone is doing their own thing and trying to win a stinking game.  Filling in for an absentee singer on the fly doesn't count either.  Don't ask why.  It just doesn't for some reason that only makes sense to me.

It's the intentional walking up to the mic for the sole purpose of hearing what I sound like as a singer.  It completely freaks me out. 

However, I faced the fear... had another glass of wine or two, and did just that.  The experience went as follows:

• You Oughta Know by Alanis Morrisette:  not too shabby if I don't say so myself.  It was a song of my youth so I was very familiar with the lyrics and the over all feel.  This felt fun to me.  And yes, I said THE word.
• Are You Gonna Go My Way by Lenny Kravitz:  warming up... feeling like karaoke.  And then it dawns on me, I can hear myself.  Suddenly freaking out.  That's MY voice and I'm freaking out.
• I'm The Only One by Melissa Etheridge:  ah jeez this one... I don't have a growly voice or a very bluesy one.  I required an additional glass of wine to even attempt this.  My voice is a little breathy at times and I don't have a huge range.  Singing this song made me feel like one of those 6 year olds in the school chorus performance that keeps twirling around on the risers.  I can't even PRETEND to mimic the original singer's prowess and Janis-Joplin-y gruffy gruff. 
• Gunpowder and Lead by Miranda Lambert: two words - NAILED IT.  Even though I felt like I was yelling the majority of the chorus, I still sounded kind of like Miranda.  I don't know how she yells like that for hours on end. 
• Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar: Uh... super FUN!  And it was double-fun to watch Adam (the drummer) play this and seem like he was enjoying him some Benatar.  It's a karaoke classic, so that's what I pretended I was doing.  It got me through.

All around, it was a great experience.  I got to enjoy a lovely evening with some super cool people.  I felt like a pseudo rock star for an hour and even broke a sweat.  I didn't get to do the whole pick up the mic stand thing and gyrate around like Steven Tyler, but I still got to see what it felt like to be THE voice of the song.  It was scary and exhilarating.  I'm glad I got that out of my system.

No, I didn't get the part. 

I was first runner up. 

I'll take it. 

I think I'll keep my super rock star status on the down low for now, and simply cheer on the band from the comfort of the dance floor with wine in tow.  I'm grateful that I tried it on, zipped it up, and know what it feels like for a minute just before I want to vomit.

Thank you to the brave souls who encouraged me to give a try.  And I did.  I hit it with MY best shot, and fired away.  Bucket list is one notch smaller.  Next stop: Living Room Blue Grass Band.  C'mon guys, we got this.