Woe to the Snow

Us southern gentle folk are not made for single digit temperatures for days on end.  No, we're made for wide open porches and sweet tea and golf and stuff.  The mere suggestion of snow is the antecedent to milk and bread disappearing in all surrounding zip codes.  Whole communities shut down with 1/2" of white dusting.  A general sense of incredible joy mixed with life-threatening peril abounds.  Schools cease and desist.  And the novelty that is wintry precipitation takes hold on all of the neighbors... show shovels, sleds, beer. 

The blizzard of February 2015, however, is one for the books.  It's massive wind gusts of 45 mph not only freaked out the dog, it freaked out the humans inside the house next to the big oak tree.  The "white out" conditions could be monitored from the bright lights of the Walmart parking lot across the way... naturally an un-manned, not-even-opened-yet giant corporation was lit up like a Christmas tree while families around the area struggled with no heat. 

The snow fell and fell and fell until all was covered with an albeit beautiful but cold layer of the most powdery and crystalline 6 inches of white your little heart ever did see.  And it was a wonderful experience... for 24 hours.

Then the freezing, refreezing, freezing and refreezing cycle began over the next few days making for life to go back to normal when it really wasn't and I was forced to walk in the snow in my Danskos. 

Don't ever walk in snow in your Danskos.  Not unless you wish to display your God-given talent of mimicking Michael Jackson on your way from the parking deck.  I had a good run for a minute... but was so exhausted by the time I made it in to the actual office, I had to take a nap before I did anything productive.  My colleagues wouldn't let me get any coffee until I moon-walked to the kitchen.

(I may or may not have taken creative license.)

Also, I've never eaten a bread and milk sandwich.  Why are these the items that disappear?  What are households doing with all of the bread and milk?  Is it necessary?  What about things like toilet paper?  Water?  Bourbon? 

The novelty is wearing off.  It's not that I'm interested in rushing through the seasons.  Rather, I'm interested in being able to walk to my car without the bottoms of my pants being wet.  I'm ready to wake up with ease, rather than immediately wondering how many of the coals in my fireplace are still burning.  I'm ready to shower without battling the stark fear of hypothermia.  I'm ready to relive the freedom of shaving my legs without the mockery of leg hair reappearing within 5 minutes. 

I'm ready for temperatures to remain above 20 degrees so that the heat pump doesn't fill me with fear and anxiety that it is on the verge of explosion.  I'm ready to take down the plethora of thermal blankets that have become make-shift curtains. 

I just want my life back.  Dear Winter, you have the propensity for being a real jerk.  I love you in small doses.  But now, I would like to wear my Danskos without being made to jive.  I wish to make that choice alone without your overbearing demeanor.  And my car is filthy with your aftermath. 

You rush in under the guise of seasonal bliss, and trick us all with initial feelings of "yay it's a snow day"-ness.  Only to find that we can't afford to heat the house and personal hygiene becomes a life or death situation.  You have forced me to drink too much beer and not enough wine only because I couldn't make it to the store in time... and no one wants wine sandwiches. 

I will sustain.  I will rebuild.  And I will be happy to find myself standing in 10 feet of dusty blankets to let the actual sunlight into my home.  So take that you wretched cold anomaly of biblical proportions.  What was once white, is now marred with brownish slough and dotted with yellow.  My dog pees on you on the daily.  Why?  Because we're cold; we're wet and we're tired of you messing up our flow. 

Piece of Mind: On Being Mindful

Breathe.  Be present.  Be in the moment, releasing what holds me back.  Let my thoughts quiet down... acknowledge the distraction and gently allow it to float away.  Ahh yes, sweet sweet breaths.

Damn is that flea bite on my ankle? 

Breathing and letting all the stress and anxiety go.  Ahhh yes.  Being one with the univer-

Oh that itches so bad.

Focus... focus... go ahead and succumb to the scratching and focus.  Let's ohm the way to a good day.  Breathing.  Breathing.  Breathing. 

(sounds of dog scratching)

Yes my sweet Lilly pup brings me feelings of joy and happiness.  Oh I should see if she has water.  I will as soon as I'm done because this is important.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Breeeeaaaatttthe.

The fire sure sounds nice.  My shin feels a little warm.  I should scoot back from the fire place a little bit.  I'll keep my eyes closed though so it's not a real distraction.  Breathe. 

Did I bring my chap stick out here?

Breathe.  Gently seeking that still point... that place of perfect calm. 

Oh that's gotta be a flea bite (quick scratch).  Those bastards have mutated into some stubborn brand of flea that laughs at Frontline.  I should probably wash the dogs today with that vinegar stuff.
Do I have vinegar? I need to do laundry.  Where's my chap stick?

Oh Rachel... shhhh.  Okay universe, I'm ready.  Breathe.  Quiet.  Calm.  Breathe.

Did I close the vent on the wood stove? My foot's falling asleep. Ugh, Kirby your breath stinks dude.
You are huffing in my face... why do you always huff in my face?  I feel sleepy.  I will meditate with my eyes open.  That IS a flea bite!  Ugh!  That's it, both dogs are getting baths.  I should probably vacuum.  There are crumbs ground into this rug from last week.  I live in filth.  It takes 5 seconds to vacuum but why does it FEEL like such a chore.

I'm so sleepy.  I suck at meditating.  I used to be SO good at it... but that was also when I worked out all the time and was healthier.  I'm sleepy.

(Walking back to bedroom)

THERE'S my chap stick!  Oh the covers feel so good.  Yes, let's close the eyeballs... breathe... breathe...

I should probably get up and do something productive.  Falling into heavy sedation seems like a productive venue of meditation... breathing is already more relaxed. 

Breathe... breathe...

Have I checked facebook yet? I wonder what everyone is doing today?  I should see if anyone wants to walk dogs together?!  Hmmm, I wonder if I should wash them before or after... Did I bring more firewood in?  I need to work out and get on track before this weight gets out of hand.  I used to be so fit.  My arms are HUGE.  I bet if I meditated and really let go I would find it easier to get on track.  Or maybe it's about meeting me and loving me right where I am.... I don't know... I feel so lazy right now.  And this meditation is about not feeling guilty for it.

I should get up.  There's so much I should be doing.  Did I turn the coffee pot off?  Coffee.  I should make more.  I will when I get up.  Maybe.  I'm noncommittal.  Breathe... breathe.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.